1978 - Times gone by

 1978 doesn't seem so long ago, except it's 42 years ago!  Yikes.  We have a little 1970s binder of pictures.  We were in that back bedroom and looking at the pics.  So, to write a blog, just pick the one that appeals to you, doesn't have to be important, it's the pull that's important.  Maybe you can figure out why later.  

I know who the people are, maybe it was one of the times that Victoria came to the Santa Cruz Mountains, probably Jim and Lanaya's Two Bar place.  Dennis must be taking the picture.  Of his wife (that's me, I'm 26), his sister, parents and dog.  I'm on the far right, with my dog Winnie.  Looking pretty good considering.  Victoria on the left.  Dennis' now late parents, Jim and Lanaya in back.  They loved moving to new places.  Something that Dennis and I don't share.  As we've been living in this house for more than 32 years.

Thing looked bright for everybody on that day.

Endoline

During this interval, Dennis and I decided to resume the services of our housekeeper.  But we leave the house when she's there.  So it's outing time!  Two weeks ago, we went to Bellingham and had a lunch out of a Mexican grocery.  Last week, we went to Carnation and Snoqualmie Falls.

Today we decided to go to West Seattle, have some Spud Fish and Chips and look for Endoline.

This is the closest we could find and I think we were pretty close.  Endoline stood for "End of the Line" and it was near where the streetcar stopped running.

Jim and Lanaya lived in a beach house at Endoline soon after they married (at age 19 in 1946).  Lanaya used to tell me stories of the great fun they had.  They lived on a little house right on the beach and their friend lived in other beach houses.  They had so much fun!  They had beach bonfires, picnics and cookouts.  She cooked in this little house on a big woodstove.  It was rustic but really a good time for young newlyweds.

Funny, Dennis doesn't remember any of these stories.  He didn't even remember the beach part.  Maybe he wasn't paying attention to his mother's stories.  And I seem to remember going to Endoline once a long time ago.  I could be mistaken about that.  On the water south of the Fauntleroy Ferry Terminal (Vashon Ferry).  Still in the city, now even more upscale area.  We were pretty sure that the little beach houses would be gone.  This was at the end of a street where you could walk on the windswept driftwood strewn beach.  I think this was close.  I remember it being at the end of a street.  I was so turned around I don't even know where it was!

Lost Grandmothers

I decided to use a personal photograph.  I've got boxes and boxes sorted by year.  And yes, I've put binders and other stuff on top of them.  Dennis often suggests that we 'do something' with the boxes but I won't do it.  And, yes, I also have all of the photo albums inherited from both sides of our families.

But the easiest one to get to was 1997-2000.  This picture caught my eye.

The lost grandmothers.  Picture labeled 1998

My daughter Ilana who would have been 12 or 13 at the time.  My parents or at least my mother have come to visit.  This picture undoubtedly taken at Alki Beach after buying a bunch of fish and chips from Spuds.  My mother loved to do that.  You can see Spuds in the background.

Ilana stands between two of her grandmothers, Lanaya and Claire.   Not such a great picture of her; maybe she wanted to be doing something else at that moment.  Lanaya would have been 72 here and was likely already feeling the effects of the dementia that would consume her.  She would die in 2007 after being in the nursing home for over 5 years.  Actually she died the night before Thanksgiving, maybe that's why I'm thinking of this as we head into that holiday. 

My mother, Claire, would have been 74 and still in good shape.  My father's health wouldn't start to fail until 2001 so things likely looked pretty good then.  She died in 2010 aged 85.

My kids at the time would have been 9, 12, 14, 16.  Whew, thinking about that, good but also hard times.  But we held together.

The more I think about it, the tireder I feel! 

Thanksgiving this year will be fine, just 7.

Not all grandmothers are lost...Grandma Anne is still happening.

If Cats Could Talk

Do you ever look at pictures of your parents and calculate how old they were in that picture and how old you are now?

I was looking for an old picture of a gathering at Harstene Island to muse on how difficult it is to date those pictures.

And, as is often the case, I found something else.

This picture of Gramps (Jim Barnes, Dennis' father) was posed under the direction of Ilana.  It's in the 1994 folder.  Often I guessed at the dates; that would put Ilana as 8 years old. Could have been a few years later.   In their townhouse just a few blocks from us.  Ilana used the picture for Reflections (the PTA arts competition) entry entitled "If cats could talk."  She staged it as her grandfather talking to Frank, the cat.  Frank, one of our all time best cats, came to us as a stray.  He was looking around for a place with kids; he really liked children.  At that time, Susanna was a baby so he came to us in 1985.  One of those situations where you open the front door and the cat saunters in, "Hi, I'm your cat now, I live here so you might as well stock up on cat food. " In almost every picture of the kids when they are young, Frank was usually in the picture.  He loved kids and he felt like he had to watch over them.  One of those toddler cats who patiently let toddlers do anything what they want, stick their fingers in their ears, drag them around by their back feet, etc.  Later, when Danny's asthma worsened and we realized that he had a cat allergy, Frank found a new home at the grandparents' house down the street.  They loved him too.

So here Gramps is pretending to have a conversation with Frank and Frank is doing a good job listening.  Imagine doing that with our current cats?  As if!  As Ilana says, you can't even make suggestions to Starbaby, she is NOT interested in whatever you think should be happening.  Not one bit.  And George is such a semi-domesticated thug, he wouldn't go along; probably bite you.

Ilana loved Reflections, always entered, sometimes would get awards.  In kindergarten, she made a picture that she called 'a flower with a heart and a star' or something, as usual, taking her inspiration from the sky.  Fine.  Months later, on a winter evening, we get a call from my neighbor.

"Did you realize that the Reflections reception is tonight?  Like right now?"
"I did not know that"
"Did you know that Ilana won an Honorable Mention, which is a big deal?"
"I did not know that"
"Why aren't you here, you're supposed to be here!"

Of course, I hadn't heard a darn thing about it.  So I whip into action.  Naomi is two and it's January so guess what she's wearing?

If you are an experienced parent, you can get this one.

Her bathing suit, of course.  So somehow, I'm home with Danny and Naomi.  Where was Ilana and Susanna?  I don't remember.  I just remember finding everybody and changing directions fast.  I remember Danny taking his baby sister, peeling the bathing suit off and getting her dressed and we made it for the end of the reception.

Anyway, I'm not sure of the year.  Ilana's grandfather is going along with her scheme.  It it's 1994, he's 67 years old.

If cats could talk....

Photoessay #1975 - Jim's birthday today

Today would have been my father-in-law Jim's birthday. He would have been 85 today. He died in 2006, the first of our parents to pass. We miss him; I know Dennis misses him. He lived nearby and Dennis went every weekend to go help him. Dennis would bring the dreadful can Jennyfur to the nursing home to visit his mother who was very debilitated. He would also take out the garbage, clean the catbox, lay out the pills for the next week. Maybe take Jim shopping or whatever else needed to be done.

Dennis did this every weekend and never complained, just had to be done.

The last time he came over, Jim and I watched the super bowl and I'm sure I made dinner. I did every Sunday. Jim appreciated Dennis and liked being around all of his grandchildren. He had gone to softball and soccer games when he was able. He bought one of every flavor when Ilana or Naomi sold girl scout cookies.

He resisted moving from his condo. He did the drop dead thing. A blessing was that he never had to do those things that he didn't want to do. He stayed in his own place and drove his car until the end.

So we all miss him.

I'm using a picture I've already used twice on this blog but not for almost five years. The iconic picture of Jim and Lanaya probably soon after their marriage.

Don't they look sharp? They eloped at age nineteen. Jim's mom put her on the bus to San Francisco where Jim was stationed.

No doubt about it, Lanaya was a looker big time. I've always loved this picture; it just has so much optismism and energy. These two young folks were going to take the world by storm.

Happy Birthday James Antony Barnes (1926-2006)

Photoessay #1941 - 1953 christening

We've had this picture up in our dining room for a long time. Just relocated it when I introduced the new Irwin pastel picture and moved things around.

On the back is written in Lanays's handwriting.

Dennis Christening picture (5 mos old) 1953 taken by Bill Ransdell (his godfather)

Lanaya, age 26, holding baby Dennis, big baby in his mother's lap. Lanaya, always photogenic. Their friend Bill Randsdell took many pictures of Lanaya and sold some of them for commercial use.

We liked Bill Randsdell a lot, he was part of Jim's 'Alki Boys' crowd. He had a beloved first wife who died young and two children. With some crazy romantic attachments afterwards (including Marni Nixon, a celebrity singer). Jim and Dennis were very sad when we realized he had died and we hadn't known.

But it's a nice period picture of it's time and deserves a place on the wall.

Photoessay #1471 - Young Lanaya

I've been working on the encephalitis lethargica thing, collecting documents to try to obtain the medical records for Dennis' grandmother from state hospitals in California and Washington.

I came across this iconic photo in one of Jim's albums. A young Lanaya sitting with her boyfriend (Jim)'s mother, Elie. Looking at house decorating magazines. You can see the Sunset Magazine on the floor (I tried to get the date on the magazine but I couldn't). I think Lanaya said she was looking at House Beautiful (or similar).

Look how intent she is. She is determined that she will have a home and that she will make that home beautiful. Which she did throughout her adult life. She had tremendous gift for style and color and a huge interior decorating talent. In fact, she used to work on my house. She would come in and say, "You need a mirror there." or "I think a small table would work well." And the next time she would come she would have the mirror or table and she would install it. She even rearranged my bedroom because she felt it needed to be done. Good thing, I wasn't sensitive about that sort of thing. I thought it was fine because I'm crummy at that.

The whole thing about this new project was Lanaya's lack of a mother. No mother. Mother gone. Institutionalized and nobody was talking. Elie (Jim's mom) loved Lanaya, the daughter she never had. And here they busy themselves on something that they both are very interested in. Especially the young Lanaya. She looks so young here, I'm guessing the mid 1940s. She and Jim eloped at age 19 in 1946.

Lanaya knew what she wanted to do and these magazines were the key.

Wonder who took the picture.....

Photoessay # 1081 - 1954 Barnes family

The Barnes family in 1954, Lanaya and Jim with their two young children Victoria (5 mths) and Dennis (2 yrs). Could have been in their home in Seattle, the cabinet and the lamp look vaguely familiar. Couch not so much. Especially later in their life, they bought and sold things often. And, with both the Barnes and Ginsburgh families, if there's anything historical, I would have it. If I don't, it's gone. I think they moved to Berkeley later in the decade, likely they still lived in West Seattle. This picture could have been taken somewhere other than their home. Who's taking the picture, I wonder?

They smile with genuine satisfaction. They're 27 years old, married 8 years. And likely just where they want to be. Two young children, Jim a job in the Seattle planning department, Lanaya at home with the kids. Lanaya, looking good as usual, so tall and slim. Long arms and legs, mo wonder she made such a good pinup. Can't for sure to know how they really felt or what pressures they felt, having two small kids is never easy, but my guess is that they were pleased.

Picture an example of matching adoption. Dennis came to their family through adoption, Victoria came by birth. Dennis eyes do look a little crossed, I think he might have had some corrective surgery later.

Photoessay #1073 - Posthumous cheesecake

In 1945, 18 year old Lanaya posed in a bathing suit and sent the picture to her 18 year old fiance who was in the Navy. I think, on a ship on the Great Lakes. He never got sent overseas. So maybe they went a little over the top but they were young and in love.

And, to borrow the phrase used by other young men at the time, she IS a looker.

But, what Lanaya didn't realize was, Jim did not keep the picture to himself, he showed it to ALL the sailors. In fact, you can see from the condition of the photograph, it got passed around a lot. Enough so that Jim had to write his identifying information on the back (see the image of the back of the photo) so he would get it back.

The boat voted her as the hottest dame of the ship (or something similar).

Lanaya was horrified but thought it was pretty funny. She just didn't think it through what would happen to the picture.

Jim loved telling the story. They were married within the year and stayed together their entire lives.

Photoessay #1031 - Jim and Lanaya's first home

Dennis' parents Jim and Lanaya were high school sweethearts who eloped to San Francisco where Jim was stationed in the Navy in January 1946. They liked to tell the story about how Jim had to get permission from his commanding officer in order to marry. Lanaya had left a note for her father, who didn't even know Jim and got on the bus.

She fondly talked about their first home as a married couple which was actually the dining room in a big old house in Oakland. We just uncovered some of Jim's photo albums (cleaning out the garage, see yesterday) and here's a picture.

Lanaya included the picture of the house in the photo album and on the back:

652 Spruce Street Bay window in lower front was our room and first home after marriage.

It looks like the site is now occupied by St. Vartin's Armenian Church (What did we do before Google Earth). The church website talks about fundraising for a new building and acquiring the site in 1956....

The buildings on the lot were a large home and carriage house from the estate of F. Borax Smith. The house was razed to allow Phase I construction of the church building, but the carriage house remained and was put to good use.

F. "Borax" Smith was a 19th century mining capitalist who developed Borax works in the desert. Remember "20 Mule Team Borax"? I remember it being advertised. So I'm guessing this is the estate that he built in 1896 with his second wife. It doesn't completely make sense but close enough.

Photoessay #804 - NKCLL All-Stars

Susanna participated in the North King County Little League All Stars for four years. After the end of the season, the coaches pick an all-star team (with attendant angst from those who think they should have been picked) This team practices nearly every day for 3 weeks and then participates in the Region 8 tournament in Woodinville. Winner to the State Little League tournament.

At that time, many elementary school girls played NKC softball. When Susanna was in third grade, a certain number of girls were moved up into 'Majors' including Susanna. They formed the nucleus of the u10 (u9?) all star team. As usual, Susanna fought me on trying something new. "I'm not doing it" she would wail "You can't make me!". Until we got to Hamlin Park, where she saw the girls and coaches gathered into two lines throwing the ball back and forth. She bolted upright in mid-whine "Who are those people?? What are they doing?" she demanded to know. "That's the all star team". "I better get out there RIGHT NOW!!!" she exclaimed and out the door she went never looking back.

She LOVED All Stars. She loved the every day practices. She wanted to know, why did they have to wait until the early evening to start, why couldn't they go earlier in the day "I'll bring my lunch!" she offers. When some parents started complaining about the every day practices and the coaches backed off, Susanna was incensed. "Not have practice??" she wailed "I OBJECT!! I am wearing my NKC hat to bed in protest!!" She loved the tournament, she loved the games. In sixth grade, they won Region 8 in a dramatic end (winning the if game) and earned the trip to the State tournament in Walla Walla. No gold medal meant so much. The man in charge of the Region 8 tournament dramatically handed them the award and intoned that they now represented not just North King County but all of Region 8! The girls gravely accepted their mission, the coaches were sobbing. A huge deal!

Money was tight and we had a big family. No way could we go to Walla Walla. Susanna went with Crystal and her dad Bob. They've remained good buddies ever since. We couldn't resist. One day, I convinced my inlaws to take Naomi, told Ilana to make sandwiches, and the two of us took off to Walla Walla, a good six hours away for the day. Dennis did something similar on the weekend.

I got an idea how much softball meant to her when, several years earlier, I overheard a conversation at some other team party between Susanna and the NKC head of softball. Susanna was maybe in second grade.

"Hey Susanna, spring will be here soon and you know what that means...softball".

"Yes", Susanna replied fervently "yes, it's softball"

And the way she said it, I knew we were in for it. She said it in such a fashion, as the sun rises, as the world turns, I will play softball in the spring. No question, no chance for any other alternative, Susanna plays softball.

Here's a picture from one of the District 8 tournaments in Woodinville (1995?). Dennis and Ilana along with Jim and Lanaya seated in front. Jim and Lanaya look pretty good in this picture, dressed appropriately, enjoying the games. May they rest in peace, things would fall apart for them physically (for all of us) sooner than they thought.

But look who's also wearing a NKC All Star hat and jacket. Ilana! Ilana also played softball but, um, was not a star. But she put her name in for All Stars but realized that she likely would not be picked. The lists were posted at Hamlin at a certain time early Saturday morning. Susanna and I went to look. Susanna made it, natch. But look at the younger kids. It was like the movies where the important character's name is brightly illuminated on a dark blurred newspaper. Ilana Barnes, part of the younger all star team. It was one of those 'stars aligned in an unlikely fashion' situations. We came home, Ilana stretched on the couch watching cartoons.

"Guess who made all stars?"
"Susanna" she mumbled not looking up
"Well yes, but guess who else made it?"
She looked at me quizzically
"ILANA BARNES made it!"
She literally levitated off the couch "I did?"
General celebration

So the next few weeks were totally consumed with North King County All Stars. She went to every practice, played outfield and got that cool green jacket.

Shades of things to come in regards to Susanna and softball.

Photoessay #693 - Young planner

Heard from my friend Ellie today that Jim Braman, her father in law, had suddenly passed away. As she said "He was MY dad for 27 years" I don't remember him so much, just very genial and accomplished. By coincidence he was a longtime friend of my father in law, Jim Barnes. I know that I've met him. Perhaps the Bramans came to the 50th anniversary party that we hosted in 1996. Perhaps, he came over when my inlaws were here.

I think he was one of the Young Planners, group of young engineers who were on the forefront of city and regional planning in the 1950s. In the last 10 years, the Young Planners would meet for lunch; Jim enjoyed that very much. He passed away 3 years ago.

But here is Jim Barnes, young planner himself! That's a Seattle map leaning against the wall. He moved to the Bay Area in 1955(?) to become Assistant City Manager of Berkeley. Then to Sacramento in 1967 to become Executive Director of the Sacramento Regional Area Planning Commission where he stayed until retirement in 1978. He retired at 55(!) I wish!

But he and his contemporaries felt that they were the next big thing, lots of new ideas for post-war communities. He had a great job, beautiful wife, young family. Jim Barnes, on his way!

But, I'm not sure. Was Jim Braman one of the Alki Boys instead?

Photoessay #546 - Signs of the times

My husband came home from work the other day and, announced with a smile, "No raises this year for managerial or exempt employees, there will be raises for hourly employees"

Why was this such good news? Companies all around have announced layoffs, thousands from Boeing, Microsoft, Starbucks, University of Washington. If Dennis large company is just saying "No raises", it's easy to conclude that layoffs are not currently on the table. Wow, you can certainly live on current income. You know how it works. Layoffs don't really affect you if you can keep YOUR job. But when your own or your partner's job goes, then it affects you BIG TIME.

Big article in the paper above the fold. Typical laid off work is a 55 year old college educated male. And, often, they never work again. That sounds a little too close for comfort.

In 1978, when Proposition 13, passed in California, gutting state agencies and schools, Dennis' late father was Executive Director of a large regional planning agency. Fear pervaded the work force. I remember being at his parents house when Jim, a big man, came home and said with a wry smile "We were having a big meeting about consequences from Prop 13. People were starting to talk about cutting administrative fat. That made me pretty uncomfortable, I thought I'd better leave!" He had a sharp funny wit in his prime.

Photoessay #421 - Up a Creek Antiques (1985)

Jim and Lanaya ran a successful antiques and collectible business for several years after Jim retired. They never had a shop, they traveled around to antique shows held at fairgrounds and malls. Several times per year, they went on 'buyng trips' often to rural Pennsylvania. They specialized in primitives and chocolate molds. They had a trailer and a van and they enjoyed themselves 'tooling' around. They had their circle of friends and Lanaya had an encyclopedic knowledge of her merchandise.

I think Jim took these pictures of Lanaya and their wares in their Felton home maybe with some promotional ideas in mind. They never did have a shop and, in later years, they were forced to give up the business as Lanaya declined.

I seemed to remember another name and Dennis said he did a business identity in the name of "Country Mouse Antiques". Cute, he remembers, some of my best work. But he misspelled his mom's name (LaNaya) and she never used them.

They did have a good time with this business and kept them on the road which they enjoyed.

We were looking at Jim's photo albums at his sister's various wedding pictures. We admit to getting the grooms mixed up.

Photoessay #418 - Witness

In January 1996, we hosted a 50th Anniversary party for Jim and Lanaya. At Jim's request. Lanaya was already fading, not sure about what was going on. She went along with it, always a bit out of focus. In her prime, she would have been ON it, every detail being done just right.

Since they eloped when Jim was in the Navy, we structured it as a small wedding reception with the wedding cake and the flowers. We invited about 50 people, I think 30 people or so attended, we held it at the Shoreline Historical Museum. They have a meeting room, it's a bit funky, seemed right. Even in this photo, you can see Jim taking charge guiding Lanaya. A hidden hallmark of the rest of their life together. Jim continued to care for Lanaya himself as she declined, in 2002, she went to a nursing home and he was a faithful faithful visitor. He passed away in Feb 2006, we held the memorial at the nursing home. I have no pictures of that. She died the night before Thanksgiving last year.

But the feted couple do not star in this picture. I didn't even notice until I saw the pictures how six year old Naomi is right there, taking it all in. She's right at their elbows as they cut the cake. She doesn't hold back, she's involved in the action, making sure she doesn't miss anything. She could not get any closer. I didn't even know she was there!

Good thing she's color-coordinated because she's in just about all the pictures.

You know, I think I still have some of those plates upstairs.

Photoessay #364 - Grams and Gramps 1986

If it looks like the bottom part of this picture is cut off, it's because it IS. Probably a great framing job done by yours truly.

Jim and Lanaya with their two grandchildren, Susanna and Danny. Early 1986 maybe? Before Ilana's birth (august 1986). The grandparents in their late fifties in this picture, not too much older than us. Looking good, they are very happy with their grandchildren. Even though Susanna didn't grow much hair until age 4 (and she's not yet two in this picture) and she makes more noise than ANYBODY. Still does. Jim has taken early retirement and they travel around buying and selling antiques. Live in Santa Cruz, enjoying that retiree life.

One custom in Dennis' family was that Cousin Alice and Lanaya felt that you should decorate the family graves with flowers on Memorial Day. I can't tell if it had anything to do with the military aspect at all. In later years, Jim and Lanaya would go to West Seattle and find her family's sites and leave flowers. As they became more infirm, Dennis would go help them. When Lanaya became disabled, Jim still felt he should do it out of obligation.

But now this year, I ask Dennis, does he want to do it. Took most of a day. He doesn't feel the need. I don't think I ever went on this errand.

Photoessay #311 - Another 1993 family picture

About six weeks ago, I posted a picture of my children from 1993. As I was messing with a random batch of pictures, this posed family portrait fell out. Turns out that it is also from 1993, fifteen years ago.

My parents were visiting so I must have arranged for a posed family shot. It's nice to have these, if only for a snippet of time. You can really drive yourselves a bit nuts if you forward this group 15 years or more into the future.

All four grandparents are here. They are all looking good, all in their mid to late sixties. Only my mother in law had some significant medical problems at that time. Only my mom is left now. My father passing away almost a year ago and my mother in law the day before Thanksgiving. I am also 15 years younger and probably 40 pounds lighter. My children....are children in this picture. They are just about grown now with Naomi (the youngest) being 18. Danny, the oldest only left, now 25 will be speaking at Parent Group tomorrow. It's a big deal.

Photoessay #218 - This year - Losses (pt. 2)

Lanaya Barnes - my mother in law passed away the night before Thanksgiving. She had been debilitated for many years, in the nursing home for 5 1/2 years and long years of decline before that. My father-in-law selflessly cared for her for many years without complaint. But, eventually, it was for too much for him. He felt guilty that he could no longer care for her and faithfully visited her at least once per day until shortly before his death in Feb 2006.

Lanaya prided herself on her creativity and her activity. She loved to work and used her many visual and design talents to transform her home. She had a tremendous sense of space and color and could easily visualize what would look great in a room. She would often come to my home and say "You know, what you need right there is a mirror" and soon, she would return with a beautiful mirror and would install it in it's proper place. Good thing that I wasn't picky about this sort of thing! I always appreciated it.

Great with clothes too. Fifteen years ago, my husband said "I'm 40 years old and my mother still dresses me" I replied "And it's a good thing too" Of course, an exaggeration. But she tirelessly shopped and selected just the right combinations.

Really her death signaled the end of the "Jim and Lanaya" partnership. Such an involved, active and 'smart' couple. They always were looking good and so dedicated to each other. As Victoria said "It was always all about them"

Lanaya, also renowned for her great beauty, tended to be a bit retiring and shy. She always accepted me warmly, her rather ugly-duckling daughter in law. She always had good ideas for me and wanted to be involved in her grandchildrens' lives.

Though she has not been 'around' for many years, we will both miss Jim and Lanaya with their high energy and good spirits.

I don't think I've featured this picture though it is one of my husband's favorities. From around 1975, Lanaya sizing up her new home (she always loved to move to new homes) and planning her decorating projects.

Photoessay #194 - Young grandparents

I am doing a series of Lanaya pictures in honor of her passing. Yesterday, the snow distracted me. The snow has come and gone, now we are into the heavy rain and winds. Everybody out in blogland please visualize us NOT losing power.

I will close this series with a picture of the new grandparents in 1982. Baby Danny had just arrived from Korea and the new grandparents came up to take a look. They are delighted with him, don't you think? In our old house (we moved from there in 1987 with the interesting front windows and the ugly drapes. Our old couch.

And a much younger Jim and Lanaya. Despite their own adoption experiences, they were a little uncertain about international trans-racial adoption(as all grandparents and parents, for that matter) but they loved him when he arrived. A happy moment for them.

A happy/sad event caused this photo to be scanned. After Jim's death, Victoria was here and she designed a beautiful display of photos to display at his memorial. Naomi was helping her. "Quick!" said Victoria, "I need a picture of grandpa with a baby!" Naomi found this photo from the old albums and Dennis scanned it.

Photoessay #192 - Laid to rest

Here's the site but not necessarily the people. We held a small graveside service for Lanaya this morning. Myself, Dennis, Ilana, Naomi, Danny and Gowoon (our exchange student). Very small and "intimate" (as they say). I snapped this picture as we left. The two people are the funeral home and cemetery representatives. The funeral home guy delivered the casket and the cemetery person made the arrangements. They were there, standing off in the middle distance during our service. The conventional graveside service getup, the casket was in an apparatus suspended above the grave with some carpeting material surrounding the casket. So no dirt was really showing. The canopy and the seats for the mourners. We didn't use the seats, we just gathered around. I had designed a service using the "Gates of Prayer" Reform Jewish prayerbook. I had used the same structure and liturgy as for the pet funerals that we conducted in our back yard. Jim and Lanaya at attended some of those, some them were for their cats.

Everyone was assigned a piece to read, an opening prayer, "a woman of valor", the ship going over the horizon piece, 23rd Psalm and then a little consecration piece. Then we all told some stories about Lanaya. Ilana and I struggled through a Kaddush, I said a little benediction. She was laid to rest beside Jim, where she belonged. "At last" said Dennis. The defining relationship of her life.

The 'Jim and Lanaya' act shone through throughout their lives, strong and vibrant, they always looked good, 'smart' in the period sense. Always geared towards each other, they never doubted themselves. They had some tough times in their later life (won't we all?) but their commitment to each other never dimmed.

As my sister in law Victoria remarked when we designed the matching markers two years ago. "Loving Husband " "Loving Wife". "It was all about the two of them. Always."

We watched the casket being lowered, generally threw around the flowers, some on the casket, some to be scattered on the grave. Afterwards, we went out to lunch at the local coffee shop. One that the two of them frequented.

You can see the large poinsettia peeking out on the left, the christmas wreath on the left. They were left at the site as markers.