Photoessay #327 - Soon to be my father's yarzheit

I have resolved to tell a positive story about my father. This Saturday is kind of a perfect storm sort of day. My birthday, the first anniversary of my father's death, the passover seder.

We are hosting a seder, or rather my daughters are. It will be fun, we've invited too many people (15 total). Food is coming, we have haggadahs, I will get flowers. All invited (almost all high school and college age) want to attend and have a good time. My granddaughter Melina is coming. What's to go wrong?

I will celebrate my 56th birthday. Somehow it means something that my father died on my birthday, but what? I think part of my juvenile self worried that my birthday would disappear. But my sister thoughtfully sent me a gift, my mother sent a card.

Or does it mean something for him that he died on the anniversary of his first child's birth?

Often my writing about my father has had negative tones. My frustrations with his anger and verbal abuse. Doing the Ginsburgh family pics blog has helped me. It has impressed me seeing his younger, more relaxed, more vital self...my sister too. My mother does not like me expressing negative feelings toward him. "Why do you take everything so personally?" she asks "He acted like that to everybody" As if that excused it.

But he cared deeply about his family and keeping everything in order. His job, his home, his family. He did the right thing, always responsible and accountable. He worked to make his home secure, his children to be safe and educated. He contributed to the community, particularly around education issues.

Story and picture from May 05, the last time my mother and father came to visit here in Seattle. I think in terms of college softball seasons.

2004 season - they came to Seattle and we traveled to Eugene
2005 season - they came to Seattle and the Ducks played two games here, we hosted a big dinner (sort of)
2006 season - health concerns (esp my mom) prevented them from coming
2007 season - my father passed away during the season. We shoehorned the memorial in a week which included Pac 10 games in Arizona, Corvallis, Seattle and Los Angeles
2008 season - Susanna is student asst coach

I remember that Susanna had just been awarded the Pac 10 Postgraduate Scholarship. I knew this would please and impress my father, but he was dying. I asked my mother to tell him anyway. He always minimized her achievements, being a successful student-athlete at a major athletic school. But, secretly, he was very proud of her.

Back to the picture and the story. My father stands smiling at Husky Softball Stadium. We are there to see Susanna play. Typical picture of him? No, he rarely smiled or seemed to enjoy himself. But he is here so we'll take it.

During that trip, I included an activity which I enjoy, being on a community panel to hear senior project presentations by Shorecrest High School students. The panel presentation is an important part of the whole senior project and the kids take it very seriously. As you might imagine, quality varies but I always enjoy it. You never know what you will hear about. Though my father did have some mobility issues, I signed both of us up. He's always been committed to education, something we could do together. I worried a bit, what would he hear? Sometimes the students do a great job, sometimes not. You never know if you are going hear hear a nervous young man fumbling about, mumbling about his engine rebuild or what. You just have to go with it.

We ended up hearing 3 panels, all young men, all minority and they presented on topics completely dear to my father's heart. Engineering and classical music. I have never heard a project on either of those topics before or since. The unseen hand. He listened intently, asked questions, contributed and enjoyed himself. An excellent experience with my father.