Photoessay #2857 - Wall of fear

Tuesday night, I spoke at the Redmond Changesgroup.  They asked me to speak on "Our Fears."  Fear motivates many of our group members especially when they fist come.  They are terrified that "it" is going to happen.  Something really bad that's not supposed to happen to our family.  And it will likely be my fault because I should have done something, should have been able to control things and gotten them the help they need.  So if I could just figure out how to do that....

The fear can paralyze you and contributes to poor parenting decisions.

I participated in the early part of the program, the small group of four where parents discuss the previous week.  I announced to the other members that, since they were in my small group and I was giving the program, they had to participate.  Two dads in the group decided that they would write things on the board.  Guys like to have something to do.

For the program, I announced that we would be listing all of our fears.  I, with my helpers on either side of me at the blackboard, would write them all down.  We would look at them, maybe poke them a stick. 

Once I gave this program in Seattle and we were writing down fearful outcomes like crazy and Roger, a dad in the group at the time, said "Where are you going with this Sandy?  Are you just going to leave us with all of this dreadful list?"

I stopped cold.  I hadn't even thought about that.  I had no idea how I would end the program or what the wrapup would be.  So somebody said something appropriate and we did the end the program ok.  I shared that with the Redmond group.

I divided the fears into 5 group

Fears for your child
Fears for yourself
Fears for your family
Fears for the future
Fears for the community

I had my handy helpers with chalk in their hands, ready to go.  About 12 people there.

We started in.  "What's the worst fear we have for ou child?"
"They'll die!"
"How are they going to die?"
So suggestions flew, shot by police, overdose, gang violence, car accident, etc.  My helpers busily writing on the board.

What are you fears for your family?  We went on.

At the end, we had this big blackboard covered with dreadful outcomes.  We laughed as one of the leaders said she had remembered to bring the chalk but not the eraser.  What would happen if kids came into this classroom tomorrow and saw this list?  Oh no!

So, we admired the work.  I don't have a picture of it.  Soon she came back with some wet paper towels and erased the boards.  It's good to confront those fears but it gives some relief to erase that stuff off the board.

Another man, part of an extended family and new to the group came up to me and upbraided me a bit that we hadn't captured what was on the board?  He wanted to take all that work home, review and think about it.  Pretty inconsiderate.  My position is such that people regularly get kind of ticked at me.

After thinking about it, I didn't really sympathize with him.  This wasn't a power point for a management seminar.  This was the fears that these parents in this room had at this time.  If I did the program again, I necessarily would start all again.  They would have their own fears.  I didn't really need to capture it.

Interesting.

I found this great picture, this is artwork done by New York artist Brian Rea in 2008 where he captured a lot of fears of city dwellers on a chalkboard with paint.  Our list was things called out in the five categories.  And then we erased it.  Used without permission.  Check out his work at http://www.brianrea.com/