Photoessay #2876 - When Helping Hurts

Interesting article from the New York Times When Helping Hurts pointing out what we teach at Parent Group all the time.  Parents doing for their growing and adult children what they can do for themselves has the subtext that the parents don't believe that their children are capable.  It often gives the children the message that they don't have to be accountable because their parents will take care of everything.  Often, the worse the child's behavior gets, the more the parents ramps up the 'help'.  Which makes the whole situation worse and magnifies the cycle of dependance.

As my friend Ann F writes it's so hard "when you have to say no when you want so badly to say yes."

This approach goes against the mainline view of parenting that you do everything EVERYTHING to help your child. ' Get them the help they need', that's the common approach.

Be sure you don't end up like the picture on the right.  It happens!