Photoessay #1511 - Upside risk

I'm exploring the idea of upside risk as a Parent Group program

Our group is for parents and grandparents of acting out teens and young adults. Often there isn't a lot of good news circulating around though you might not know it if you were at a meeting. Dozens of engaged adults attend working the program and often smiling and even laughing.

There's lots of downside risk happening. Bad things that the teens and young adults are doing which are going to progress to more bad things. Parents in denial about just how bad things really are. Drug use which can lead to death. School failure that can lead to poverty. Criminal charges that could lead to felony convictions. Violence that can lead to assault and injury.

But I can think of at least three instances of upside risk and I think it's important to capture.

Example 1: College scholarship money

Having your kid attend college usually involves downside risk especially regarding money.

But we experienced upside risk which can cause just as much chaos. Halfway through her junior year, the university started dumping additional athletic scholarship money on our athlete daughter. Good news, right? It caused so much chaos and conflict that I formed a second team. Whose money was it?

Example 2: Runaway

When a child runs away (ie away without permission), the parent immediately jumps to the worst case scenario.

Or almost banks on a bad outcome. The child may be sleeping under a bridge and they will start to appreciate how good they had it at home. Or they might be hungry so they might appreciate what the parent provides. etc.

But I've challenged parents, maybe they'll be a success. Maybe they will find a job and a place to live and they'll start making it on their own. They could be successful in their own right even though they are young.

It could happen. And isn't that really the result you want.

Example 3: Parent straightens up

One of my colleagues entered the group in a state of parenting chaos with the bad behaving ex-spouse constantly interfering. This parent was committed to protecting her verbally abusive daughter from the certain bad outcomes of being involved with the evil dad.

Eventually, to the parent's astonishment, the child goes to live with the bad dad. The parent is convinced that only bad things will result.

I said, at that time, who knows, maybe dad will end up being the good parent you always hoped for.

And, maybe that's happening. The daughter has been living with dad for over a year. Things seem to be pretty darn stable and the daughter has stopped her verbal abuse and treats her mom with gratitude and respect on her visits.

We always need to be open to upside risk and not undermine it with our old negative thinking.

It could happen!


Picture taken from a financial management blog glynholton.com Used without permission