Thursday, November 13, 2014

Moveover

I attended a team meeting where parents are struggling how to help their 19 year old son but still hold to some boundaries.  It's hard when young people don't emancipate.  For whatever reason  They don't leave, they don't pursue some occupational goal, they don't go to school, they don't work.  They don't do anything.

Our society is generally forgiving for young people to thrash around a bit.  Maybe have jobs and lose them.  Maybe go one direction and then abandon it.  Do some school and then not.  Go broke.  Make mistakes.  They learn from them.  But it does mean leaving your parent's house and doing something.

What if they don't.  Mental health?  Substance use?  Why?  Can't tell.  You don't want them still living in their room making a mess of things when they're 45!!

This family had planned a moveout last summer but changed their mind at the last minute.  4 1/2 months later and things are the same.  One idea is to make it uncomfortable to live at the parent's house.  It's a pretty miserable path.  Especially when a young man is holed up there and, since he has nothing else going, he puts his energy into trying to control his household and his parents.

Yikes, no fun!  Sometimes I think that it comes to an alpha male issue.  Whose house is it?  Is if the father's house or the son's house.  The silver back male thing.

But as an example about how new ideas can come out of a team meeting.  The mom was pretty upset as her son was leaving food in her room and there was a nasty smell and moldy dishes.  Not what she wants in her home.  One member sensibly pointed out that, since the weather was now cold, the fruit flies should be less.  We all laughed about these crazy things we learned.

This family had already cut off a lot of the internet and were preparing a lock for their refrigerator.  Is there somewhere else you can move him? asked one member.  Away from his comfy room?  There was.

We struggled for a word for this....finally came up with a Moveover.  New word!  How am I going to find a picture for this?

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