Codependence

I went to a team meeting this morning; a long time member with an adult son.  She knows what she had to do, setting boundaries with her nearly 50 year old son.  It often revolves around not giving him money.  Or providing him with services that cost money.   It's just so hard to do.  But, as a mom, she still worries so much about him.  He also helps her with her house; he's great with carpentry and maintenance.  So many conflicting things.

Alcoholism and substance abuse also involved.  So much intertwined needs.  She knows she's codependent.  But extricating yourself?  So tough.

Often, at parent group team meeting, something comes out of it that nobody could envision beforehand.  There's a stand; something you want to change about your own behavior.  She had developed a stand several years ago, when her son was still living with her.

I will embrace the concept that my son can live independently.

As the layers of codependence unfolded at the meeting; a new stand came to me; I turned her previous stand on its head; the inverse:

I will embrace the concept that I can live independently from my son

It was one of those moments when the room goes silent and everyone says softly "oooooooh"

She's going to try that.