Photoessay #2431 - Why do the good die young?

Everybody
Thinks tomorrow
Is a promise
That they deserve
    david bailey

I'm just realizing the existence of the whole memorialization culture that surrounds the death of a young person regardless of circumstances.

Just in middle-class America, I might add, seems like plenty of young men and women die in war zones and other places senselessly and cruelly.  Their family mourns but the greater community seems not to care.

Right now, I'm involved (more or less) with two young people who have recently died.  16 and 22 years old.  Both had long histories of mental illness.  Both self-medicated with dangerous addictive drugs.

Both died young.  Both engaged in risky dangerous behavior.

But especially with the teen, his death triggered a tremendous amount of memorialization culture.  People not even known to the family insist on contacting them, giving flowers, stopping by, crying on the mom's shoulder, telling her what a wonderful person her son was.

Why do the good die young?  They cry out...

or

If they died young, they must be good?
Or all the young must be mourned in the same manner?

But these parents struggled with this teen as his escalating destructive behavior ratcheted higher and higher.  Until the parents had no control over him at all.  They knew that he sowed drama, confusion and falsehoods throughout the community.  He relentlessly worked to control his family's household.

This family were often shunned by community members and even by professionals as 'bad parents.'  Yes, this family now has lots of plants and flower arrangements.  They have many meals delivered to them.  But where were these people when the family really needed help?

I admit that it is much easier to participate in memorializing a life cut short, then be in the trenches with families dealing with severely acting out teens.

I guess that's what Parent Group does; we're not be afraid to go there.  The parents have to spend the time, to work the program,  This family was doing that.  At some point, you have to realize that you cannot 'fix' their kid; only the young person themselves can do that.

And sometimes they don't make that choice.

Picture of a memorialization site of another teen who died young.  Not in this city.  Used without permission.