I talked to my friend who just lost her son last weekend. When dealing with catastrophe, no matter how complex, a person quickly becomes overwhelmed with all of the unfamiliar things going on around her. Her son is gone, every day he's still dead, all of your short term plans and schedules are disrupted, the medium and long term plans now look completely different. The things in his room are now emotionally-laden artifacts. People come, to visit, to pay respects, to help. Sometimes the visitors are even more needy than yourself. Your husband and other kids still have to carry on. The list goes on and on. One cannot even imagine all the new and unwelcome things going on around you.
She was talking about a memorial service but where? I volunteered to try to call the suggested places to find out the details. She seemed so relieved.
I am amazed how stressful this is; even as a helpful surrogate! Of course, the right people don't answer the phone, they don't call you back. I imagine I might have some trouble with validity as I'm not the family but that hasn't happened yet.
It would have to be just as difficult for her. Probably loads worse! So I'm glad I can do it and I will get it done.
Picture of another memorial service, for one of the Boston Marathon bombing victims.
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