Photoessay #2853 - Parent group team takes on a big mess

This was not the mess that we cleaned up yesterday but it looked pretty similar.  I lifted this picture from a trama therapist's blog.

One of the more controversial things that we do in parent group is a 'moveout'.  Usually involves an adult living in the household who needs to live elsewhere.  According to the homeowner.  Usually a young adult family member.  Usually somebody not going to school or work, using drugs, often abusive or disruptive.  Usually has no intenetion of moving because it's working just fine for them to have a place to crash.

It works like this.  The parent has to be willing to separate, to stop giving 'another chance', to embrace that the person CAN live independently.  They need to separate financially and operationally.  They give a letter to the person.  These letters are all hard to write but they're all the same.  No advice, criticism or explanations.  Give a specific date and time.  Very short.  Says that if they haven't move their belongings, somebody else will.

The parent rents a storage space (they have to do it in their own name), maybe a truck.  The parent decides in advance what belongs to the family member.  The parent also has to be willing to let go of knowing where the young adult goes.  We collect a lot of parent group members, a bunch of big plastic bags. 

It's better if the object of the moveout is not there.  Sometimes it's worth manipulating the time so they're not.  In any case, somebody is assigned to talking to the young adult.  Another is assigned the task of deciding when it's getting violent to call the whole thing off.

Pack up all the junk, put it in cars or truck, take it to the storage place an unload.  Give the person being moved out a key so they can get to their stuff.

Ritualized, demonstrates to the young adult and the parent that they have truly moved out.  if you leave their stuff as is, they'll be in and out 'to get things' and soon they'll have moved back in.

The one we did yesterday evening was different.  Young woman with three children in and out.  Unbeknownst to the parent group member, Child Protective Service had declared that they could no long live there.  So they weren't there, the children were placed elsewhere.  But there was this huge mess in a small apartment in the back of the house. 

The team decided to do it.  So seven of us showed up and packed up a huge mess.  Seemed so clear to me that the young adult in charge had lost all control of items.  Drug use will do that.  You just can't deal with the items making up daily life when you are using.

There was a lot of stuff, just piles of broken toys and clothing and garbage.

We cleaned it out in less than two hours.  I really couldn't do that much physically but I did do one area.

Whew, it's tough but now all that stuff is GONE.