Today I attended one of the programs offered by parent group featuring the coordinator of the 'At Risk Youth' petition, a civil action that can be used by parents to help control their child's out of control behavior.
About 20 people attended. Maybe six (including myself) were members of the parent group. Afterward, I had the opportunity to talk to some of the other parents there who had come to listen. I was struck (I need to be reminded about this) how parents of acting out kids are so full of fear. They cannot separate their terror and dread from the actions of their children. When you are consumed with fear, you cannot make an effective plan.
One parents said she was worried that her 15 year old daughter would be raped, her daughter would be murdered, her daughter would become pregnant, her daughter would become a meth addict. Or worse. (I told my husband and he replied blandly 'in that order?' She also declared that when her daughter turned 16, she was going to send her off to boarding school. I asked which school and she replied "Job Corps" Um, Job Corps is not a boarding school. I asked her if her daughter wanted to go to Job Corps and the parent replied that she didn't know but she would make her go.
Another parent of a 13 year old repeatedly said "We do not want her to get worse, we don't want her to do those things". She seemed in a panic that it could get so much worse. I tried to figure out if her daughter would qualify for this petition (there are very specific criteria). Couldn't really tell. I suggested to the parent that there were things they could do. She replied "Oh we are, we are getting lots and lots of therapy"
I need to be reminded how afraid and twisted up parents can be when they start the process. An acting out kid can really stress and strain you. But letting go of your fears can go a long way to making your family (and you) more healthy.
Picture used without permission from a site about LGBT homeless youth. Many parents fear that this will be the futrue for their children.
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