Photoessay #2859 - Answer the %#*@ phone!

A parent group incident in the past few days.  Mom has a 17 year old son J that just cannot stay away from the police and detention.  Just can't organize his behavior and extremely impulsive.  Mom trying to keep J accountable but he just doesn't make smart decisions.  Mom also often in despair.  Team trying to keep Mom away from sorrowful isolation. 

So J has been released and has a court date on new charges.  Mom gets trapped in the personal dilemma; should she tell him about the court date or figure he goes to school (at detention) and they will take him.  She's afraid that, if she tells him, he will run.  At Parent Group, we point out that the respectful thing is to tell him, he's going to be 18 in less than a year.  So she tells him.

The next evening, she's going to take him out to eat, has her phone in charger, she ducks in to get something, he steals her phone (he does this first thing) and takes off.  Mom blames herself; it's all her fault, she told him, he took off.  Goes into despair all Friday into Saturday.

On Friday, I have many things to do.  But in late afternoon, I call and text her on her mobile phone and call her home phone to see what's going on.  No response.  I suspect Mom is not picking up because she is so upset.

Meanwhile, the police from another community call ME.  They have the young man in custody and found this cell phone in his pocket.  They're wondering who the phone belongs to.  They see my call, that's why they call me.  The group of young people have stolen alcohol, then stolen a car, had a police chase.  They see a warrant for J; he's on his way to detention.  I tell the police the mom's name and phone number.

I try and try to call Mom but she's not picking up.  I have information she likely does not have.  On the message, I threaten to come and find her if she doesn't call me back.

She calls me back the next morning, she never listened to the messages.  She doesn't know a thing about it.  She's still beating herself up about telling him about the court hearing.  So I tell her what I know.  She's amazed; at least he's safe!

I make the moral, when I call, PICK UP!!!!!!!!

But, on reflection, it's really about parent's web of support.  Was it a fluke that I knew this information and the parent didn't?  Is it because I'm so darn important?

No, the parent's supporting each other caused this situation.  Because we train parents to support each other, Mom got the call from another parent group member because we train parents to do support each other in group.  Don't stay away when things get tough, be there!  Another parent (me) wanted to support Mom so tried to call her to see what was going on.  That call precipitated the call from the police.

Parent support works!