Friday, April 18, 2014

Photoessay #2902 - Strangers

At parent group, I sat in small group with a mom who has been coming off and on for several months.  I knew her slightly from another group a long time ago.  A 21 year old son continuing to be dependent, drug using, not working, not going to school, some mental health issues.

She's not ready to make the leap to really hand his life over to him. Afraid of what might happen to him.  The continued over-care with the sub-text she gives to her son that he is unable to care for himself.  One stand that could help might be "I will embrace the idea that my adult child can live independently."

If you are unable to do this, then both you and your adult child have years of misery and co-dependance in front of you.  Not that insisting that he take care of himself would be easy or without its own heartaches and worry.

People in this situation have a million excuses but really they just don't want to take the risk, they don't want to do it.  An excuse she used was that 'her husband didn't want to work with strangers.'  Interesting as he has a close friend active in the group.  They know me (though not well).  Plus they've come for several months.

The program is run kind of like lay case management.  You do have to make a leap of faith when you form a team (a group of parents to give you guidance over time).  You have to trust your team.  Even though it's not done under any kind of social work supervision or licensed individuals.

It works great if you're ready for it.  One of the program beliefs is "Change includes hard work that is time-consuming and risky."  Not for everybody.

Sometimes a community of strangers can do great things.  The image shows a video in 2011 taken in Utah.  A motorcycle and car collided.  Bystanders realized that the motorcycle rider was trapped under the car.  After a few moments of confusion, the strangers got together and lifted the car up and one of them dragged the man to safety.  Risky?  Yes, they are lifting a car partially engulfed in flames.  One person dragged the man out by his leg.


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