By custom in Wesley Willows, the retirement/nursing care community where my parents lived, when somebody dies, a special candle on a special table in the main foyer is lit. A small frame with the resident's name and dates rests on the table. It stays there for 24 hours. I'm sure that every resident and visitor to the 'Big House' glances at this table every day.
When my mother passed, my siblings and I went back to her place, divided up the lists, all sat in separate rooms and started working the phones. Just one of those things that you have to do. Brian, the chaplain, told me about this table. He would arrange for the frame to be constructed and the candle lit. First I ever heard about it. Later in the evening my sister and I (my brother must have gone home) made a special trip to the Big House to see it....
Still jars me to see her name there. I do miss her. It's some comfort to know that she was able to control her own end of life circumstances. We should all be so strong and fortunate. I will write again of this in the future. But when she decided in her own mind that the interventions needed were too extreme, she asked for her medications to be stopped, her pacemaker turned off and requested comfort medications only. She was very clear about this. The next day, she had a little deathbed speech all ready. When all three of use were there, she said she was 'at peace', this is what she wanted and asked us to support her in her decision.....
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