Photoessay #457 - Candor

What place does candor play in adult relationships?

These are the definitions

a. brilliance, unstained purity
b. freedom from prejudice and malice
c. kindliness
d. unreserved, honest or sincere expression

Very interesting, I love the first one but I'm referring to the fourth.

Distinguishing between speaking with integrity rather than honesty.

Is it necessarily better to communicate what we really think or feel? Or, many times, is discretion really more valuable? Our own feelings and perceptions, perhaps weighted by past agendas or prejudices, may not be useful or constructive for others.

For example, I was talking with a fellow parent group member. We encourage parents to journal their acting out child's behaviors as a way of gauging progress and perhaps elevating the 'facts' from the fog of war. She found some previous documentation of difficult behaviors from one of her children. Long ago. Negative difficult things. What's the use of keeping this? What if he or another family member found it? Maybe when you are dealing with the actual crises, this information could help you. But, later, when things change and time rolls on...are these things better forgotten? These observations (and we're not talking good times here) will not help anybody.

So also, if somebody is starting a program that you've been involved with. Does it make sense to drag out the dirt from days gone by? Why invoke old sorrows and disappointments? It's a new day out there.

You can see where I'm going with this. I'm not going to be completely candid because it serves no purpose.

Clarification---as suggested by ny daughter

I am not trying to hide anything.

I do not have a negative agenda in regards to UO Athletics

Somebody has asked us about our experience because their player will attend there and it's caused me to reflect. When you are involved in a complex way with an institution over a number of years, you will have a variety of experiences.

Some are worth sharing, some not. And your experiences, especially over a period of time, might not have a thing to do with future events.

Go Ducks!