Here's the site but not necessarily the people. We held a small graveside service for Lanaya this morning. Myself, Dennis, Ilana, Naomi, Danny and Gowoon (our exchange student). Very small and "intimate" (as they say). I snapped this picture as we left. The two people are the funeral home and cemetery representatives. The funeral home guy delivered the casket and the cemetery person made the arrangements. They were there, standing off in the middle distance during our service. The conventional graveside service getup, the casket was in an apparatus suspended above the grave with some carpeting material surrounding the casket. So no dirt was really showing. The canopy and the seats for the mourners. We didn't use the seats, we just gathered around. I had designed a service using the "Gates of Prayer" Reform Jewish prayerbook. I had used the same structure and liturgy as for the pet funerals that we conducted in our back yard. Jim and Lanaya at attended some of those, some them were for their cats.
Everyone was assigned a piece to read, an opening prayer, "a woman of valor", the ship going over the horizon piece, 23rd Psalm and then a little consecration piece. Then we all told some stories about Lanaya. Ilana and I struggled through a Kaddush, I said a little benediction. She was laid to rest beside Jim, where she belonged. "At last" said Dennis. The defining relationship of her life.
The 'Jim and Lanaya' act shone through throughout their lives, strong and vibrant, they always looked good, 'smart' in the period sense. Always geared towards each other, they never doubted themselves. They had some tough times in their later life (won't we all?) but their commitment to each other never dimmed.
As my sister in law Victoria remarked when we designed the matching markers two years ago. "Loving Husband " "Loving Wife". "It was all about the two of them. Always."
We watched the casket being lowered, generally threw around the flowers, some on the casket, some to be scattered on the grave. Afterwards, we went out to lunch at the local coffee shop. One that the two of them frequented.
You can see the large poinsettia peeking out on the left, the christmas wreath on the left. They were left at the site as markers.
2 comments:
It sounds like it was a lovely service, simple, but dear. My mother in law was always so proud of me for learning how to say the sabbath prayer over the candles. The kaddush sounds creepy to me. We do no Christmas decorating other than a tree. I am religiously irreverent. I like giving gifts. I enjoyed looking at your softball posts. Jess doesn't play any more. She coaches now... a sixteen and under travel team, next year a high school team. Hope you have a good day today.
I think it's a familiarity thing, I see saying the Kaddush as an honor. Even if you don't do it very well.
My daughter did coach at UO as the student assistant in the fall. I know they would very much like for her to continue but she doesn't want to travel. And they travel a lot! I think she will coach high school ball. She will enjoy it a lot when she decides to do it.
Thanks for your comments!
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