Photoessay #907 - Gift-giving

I will give my ever popular/unpopular program on gift-giving at the Redmond and Seattle groups this week. People react very emotionally to gift-giving especially when their family is in crisis. Parent don't even realize how strongly they feel about gift-giving until it's questioned. Which doesn't happen much this time of year. Look around you, gift-giving urgency permeates all our media. Give your child what he's always wanted. Make a wonderful Christmas for your child. Show what a successful, loving parent you are by giving THIS.

I suggest that parents examine their gift-giving behavior around their acting-child at Christmas time. Does it make sense to continue with your stressful generous gift-giving. I also warn to put aside your anger, don't express your fury and frustration through gift giving. No lumps of coal!

But consider this: Your child does not need these xmas gifts. These gifts are not an indication of the parent's love or commitment. We do it because we want to do it, our child expects it, everybody expects it.

You could turn this into an opportunity to indicate to your child that 'things have changed'. Your behavior is changing. Things will be different.

Give your child socks for Christmas. They can still be freely given in a respectful manner nicely wrapped.

No explanation.

At this point, a certain number of parents in the audience will fall off the emotional cliff. What! You can't be serious! What kind of parent am I, if I don't be generous at the holiday?

You COULD be generous but you choose not to.

Many parents don't want to change and don't recognize the gift-giving as a great opportunity to change things up and demonstrate new boundaries. Secretly, they may harbor the view that if they get their acting out teen just the right thing, get them what they 'really want', maybe they will be grateful and stop their acting out behavior. If I just buy them an I-phone, etc.

Some parents might feel that this would be letting go of that last hope of their family healing itself. Or possibly one more demonstration that the parents have the power of money that they can gift generously. You might be acting out but *I* still have the bucks.

Others say "but what about my other kids, do I have to do this terrible things with them too?". You are only demonstrating to the acting out child that things have changed, shouldn't affect your behavior with your other kids if you don't want. "What about grandma? She always gives him several hundred dollars" That's ok, this is only between your child and you, you don't need to interfere with what grandma does.

Many parents are terrified of the anger of their child if they don't come through with the big bucks item. I drag out G's story, a mom who dearly wanted to please her acting out son. Her team advised against it but she was determined to give him an IPOD (a few years ago). So she did. He dismissed it disrespectfully and told her it was NOT THE RIGHT KIND! Parents talk of their trepidation about what their child will do when they see the socks. But generally, the acting out kid accepts the gift. Probably you don't want to exclude the acting out child from family observances and festivities, you don't have to. Just change the gift.

I put some hope in at the end. Likely, in the future, they can return to generous gift-giving if they wish. Just not right now.

Then I use a checklist done by a Changes member many years ago. About the things that your child might do this holiday season.

such as:
___The Police will call you
___Child may ruin a holiday meal
etc

It ends with

____A family member will nag you to death
____A family member will nag you just short of death and you will give in. Your team will find out!
____None of the above. My children are no responsible members of society. after I changed my behavior, my previously obnoxious child/spouse/others saw that the above behaviors would no longer work and they changed too.

Thanks to Jean Baker who wrote this piece! That 'team may find out' line always put me in stitches of laughter.

Photo of just some of the advertising circulars from yesterday's paper.

Photoessay #906 - Teddy loved Thanksgiving

Teddy loved our Thanksgivings. I LOVE this! he says in his Teddy (nearly a year old) language. All this great setting up stuff, everybody upstairs moving things around. Some great smells going on. Wow, get a load of that turkey, that could be a real treat for somebody. More and more people come, great! I don't jump up on people though, as usual, I go a bit overboard on the greeting. Welcome! Welcome from Teddy! I'm SO glad you're here. I LOVE YOU! The guests fill up the house; I am so busy offering up my chewed up puppy toys including the tentacles from Ilana's green and yellow octupus on people's laps. Here's my well-used dilapidated gross toy, how about you and me, we could play tug of war. Just try it, it will be great!

Nobody leaves for quite a while so I don't have to be sad on their departure. More and more food on the table. I know all of these people are dog lovers, they HAVE to be! Somehow mom distracts me with a bone which I chew up in the backyard. But I'm back and I LOVE EVERYBODY. We're going to do it again, right? Today?

Don't know why Laura, Naomi and Perry aren't smiling, we all had a good time!

Photoessay #905 - Drugs and the family

Being involved with the parent group has exposed me a lot to drug use among young people. Parents are often tempted a lot to minimize drug use....

"oh, a little marijuana is no big deal"
"I did that kind of thing when I was his age"
"They all do it"
"At least it's not hard drugs"
"I'm sure my son isn't using, he tells me he hates that kind of stuff"

I've become radicalized about drug and alcohol use. There is NO PLACE for it, period. No time when it's ok.

Having gone through this myself, I believe that the biggest indicator of drug use is "Things don't make sense". Everything's topsy turvy. Hard to quantify.

The drug use involves all members of the family. It affects everyone. Easy to say that doesn't happen. But when you become enmeshed in the whirlwind of drug use, you begin to see. Marriages are strained as spouses blame each other. Siblings feel compromised. The rhythm of your home disrupts. Nobody feels safe. People come and go, you don't even know them. Things (including money) go missing. You can't believe that you allowed things to get this way. You cover up. You get used to it.

I went to an emergency team meeting last night. In the group, if you feel like things are really out of hand, you can call an emergency meeting. That means right now or close to it. The spouses in this family really blame each other for their son's out of control behavior. The dad wants to hold the line, the mom wants to help. Always the belief if you just help a little bit more, the addict will see the light. I'm sure we all felt that this might be a replay of many team meetings.

But, like many team meetings, it went a different way. Time to realize that the son's addiction is tearing the family apart. The family has insisted that the addict cannot live in their household (he's 19). But, he's extremely persistent and, yet again, he's back. Demanding entitlements, being verbally abusive, making no effort to get a job or find his own housing. Dad last night gave a great imitation of the kind of phone call that the son waits for every day. "Hey, yeah, want to hang with...sure...yeah let's do it...I'll be there" and he's gone.

One thing that I remember, which struck me, was...an addict is always waiting. Waiting to find the next source, waiting for the evening to go out, waiting for the next phone call. Waiting. Sleep until the afternoon becuase you are waiting.

So the team suggested recognition of the addicts role in the family's destruction. Time for alanon, time for big time interface with experienced drug counselors. This family has already participated in x number of programs on behalf of the son. But now, it's time to get help for yourself.

"Not once a month, like 3 times/week" said R

Do what you have to do to get the son out of your house. Generally the plan is to remove the family's resources or home to the young person to force them to fend for themselves. As long as you let them live with you, why should they worry. But, recognize in this case, that you have to preserve the family. Even rent him a small apt for six month while you seek help. Usually I would never recommend this because you enable to young person's dependance. But sometimes the addiction is too strong. You must preserve the family.

As you go along with this process, the steps become more and more difficult. More than you could ever imagine.

Picture stolen from the narconon weibsite, used without permission.

Photoessay #904 - Dessert

Perry usually makes the pies and he did not disappoint. He made three pumpkin pies, they're crustless and tasty.

"I think Perry's pies are really good, don't you?" I ask Ilana. "They're fanTASTic" comes the reply. Also a berry pie from Remlingers (not shown); mighty tasty with whipped cream.

Susanna and Alice made the chocolate cake and Susanna was mighty proud of it. Definitely a blast from the past for me. I used to make rich cakes like this back in the day. With tons of baking chocolate and butter. Used to call them Superchocs. Tasty! Big time!

Ilana opined "The bad thing about Thanksgiving leftovers is that they are gone SO SOON!" I just popped a casserole full of afore mentioned leftovers in the oven. Have more gravy than the last one because we avoided the gravy disaster of the Sunday dinner. Darn fancy ironwork on top of the stove, pan got tipped over.

Years ago, when we got together with the Garrisons when the kids were small, we used to make a TON of Thanksgiving stuff and then, all weekend, every lunch and dinner, out came the leftovers, we ate off the extra mashed potatoes, stuffing and turkey all weekend.

Yesterday's dinner; 12 people; 8 were 'kids' except the kids are 19-28 years old!

Photoessay #903 - Thanksgiving

This year's main event Thanksgiving group shot. Low key and relaxed; I love this holiday. I know I put on two big dinners but really no stress. This year especially because Dennis, Ilana and Naomi physically handled the turkey and everybody chipped in and we got it cleaned up in no time. 20 pound turkey, done in 4 hours...hey we even used the meat thermometer for the doubters. Not that much left over.

Susanna and Alice made this very rich homemade chocolate cake, reminded me of cakes I used to make back in the day, we called them super chocs. Susanna especially was very proud of the cake. No gravy disaster like on sunday. Afterwards, I realized we didn't have any milk or apple juice but, guess what, the stores are closed. Told Ilana and Naomi they would just have to get along with sparkling cider until tomorrow.

Ilana's has declared a family tradition, she plays Alice's Restaurant and then Perry et al talk about the sixties.

Here's the group excepting Ben who's always late so never makes the picture. Rockford folks note the gourds that I bought at the vegetable stand just about ready to close for the season in Poplar Grove a few weeks ago. Afterwards, just a comfortable time talking in the living room having seconds on dessert with whipped cream. Teddy was a good dog, didn't jump up on people. Today, we were working on 'drop it' and twirl. He proudly demonstrated heel, sit and lay down for the guests many times.

My friend was reminiscing at Parent Group last night. She recalled Thanksgivings at her grandmothers as a child. After dinner, they would all sit together by the fireplace, the women would take out their knitting and the adults would crack nuts and thrown the shells in the fire. A time for everybody to catch up with one another; they would talk into the night until one or two in the morning. Some would spend the night and, she recalls, that was really fun.

I love Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday.

Photoessay #902 - Uncle Jerry cooks

Assuming that I find my camera, I will feature some pictures (maybe some in focus but no promises) of the dinner cooked by Uncle Jerry. Brie with sweet blackberry sauce, brie with spicy raspberry sauce, pork medallions with noodles, green beans almondine (a specialty) and warm apples (another jerry specialty). All delicious with a boston cream pie for dessert. And I didn't even cook any of it. I had a great talk especially with Linda about memoir, this kind of blog.

Some months ago, after a personal story on Vinyl Cafe, a Canadian show carried on our local NPR statiion, the host interred "and it really happened. And it must have mattered" It meant something to me or to somebody around me. To even remember the story, to even make it a story. Since I print these out, maybe these stories, things important to ME will be passed on.

Great dinner though, loved all of it. Very nice time. I'm hoping for better health for Nancy. I'm thankful that a young man may not be tried as an adult. I want my daughter's page job to continue. In these hard economic times, when staff is re-assigned, being at the bottom of the food chain doesn't work so well.

Photoessay #901 - A bit glum

This picture, stolen from an educational site, sums up how I feel about my job right now. A bit glum. Disrespect shown to me under the guise that *I* am disrespectful. A situation where a group inherited me and, though, I think it could be a very good fit, mmmm, not sure how it can work.

I've endured maybe a few too many lectures; I'm not feeling too optimistic.

And maybe I don't have to worry about it, you know?

Tough afternoon in court yesterday. I was exhausted and I knew that family feels a lot worse.

But no time to be glum, what's the point? Tonight we get to go over the greater G's and have an Uncle Jerry dinner. What's not to like about THAT??? I know that I had a blog post about Uncle Jerry and his cooking, not to be missed. You want an invite when Uncle Jerry comes to town. They're not coming for Thanksgiving which is a disappointment but we can have a great time nonetheless.

I bought a beautiful poinsettia and I don't even LIKE poinsettias! Thanks Jerry in advance, I'm thinking you're going to have some dinner pictures tomorrow.

Photoessay #900 - Many headaches

There are many ways to get a headache in our modern world. One is to have your last day of your job when you can't be invested and you really don't get to be part of anything. Even the free lunch can fall short. Ilana's last day at one of her jobs. Though she did appreciate the free coffees.

Or, like myself, support a family in court. Emotionally charged. You can sit ALL afternoon waiting for your court hearing when you already know what will happen. A modern mystery known only to deities; the order the cases are called at Juvenile Court. Can you buy it? Why, why must you wait all afternoon, until nobody's really left and the janitors bring out their supplies? And the judge is too pooped to really give a decent hearing. And that's YOUR KID up there!!!!

So today I helped all afternoon. When we first got there, we thought the child would be released. But I attended the earlier hearing for his buddy in the alleged incident. And no way was the judge letting him out, nope, going with the prosecutor's recommendations. Thanksgiving was just so many vacation days. So pretty clear what would happen to this family's son HOURS later. Yet it all turns when you realize there's a good possibility that this kid may be charged as an adult. So, at first, you loathe Juvenile Court, you want out of there so bad. But then, on reflection, you love Juvenile Court, you want to marry it, please please, Juvenile Court is GREAT. We really want to STAY in Juvenile Court.

It really can make your head hurt. Picture taken by me at the King County Juvenile Justice Center this afternoon.

Photoessay #899 - Sunday Thanksgiving

The group shot from my Sunday early Thanksgiving from this afternoon. Involves my kids and significant others plus Dennis' immediate family. Susanna and Alice did come later; she participated in a coaching clinic down in Tacoma. My usual deal, I had the turkey (22 lbs) ready by 12:30 pm. Cooked in 4 hrs 20 minutes. This group is small enough to do in the dining room. There was talk this year about moving to a different venue, maybe to Harstene Island. But I found that I wanted to keep it just to have my adult kids come.

We celebrate Thanksgiving big time at our house. We've had two different (but similar) dinners for several years. And you might as well do it twice, you have everything out, really you just have to buy another turkey and make up everything else again. We also do a pretty big deal for Passover.

We have a new method for discouraging Teddy from jumping. Really, nobody likes a 70 pound compact dog jumping on them. A sharp 'shhhh' and pinch his neck. So far so good. He didn't jump at all though,as usual, he was quite social. His first thanksgiving. He loved the preparation, he loved the cooking, he loved the people coming, just a great deal all around for a young dog. "It's all good!" says Teddy.

Later a team meeting for a family with their son in detention, I promised to attend the court hearing on Monday afternoon.

Photoessay #899 - Squash and Stuffing

As promised, a shot of my $27 potato peeler. Can't believe I own and paid for such a device. But I did. We bought 3 pieces from Janelle when she started. A knife, kitchen shears and this potato peeler. Now I wish the person who peels potatos so efficiently and cleanly would be by to use said peeler. But she has a softball clinic and coach's meeting so we're on our own. When Susanna peels a potato, it's PEELED. No spots left.

As always, I'm into squash. The squash on the right, looks like a striped green pumpkin is actually a Hubbard squash. Little table down the street manned by an older couple who sell the organic produce from their son's farm. I'm a frequent customer. Dennis just saws it with a garden saw. You can cook the parts in the microwave for about 15 minutes. Butter and brown sugar.....mmmmm I'm a fan! But pretty.

And an extreme closeup of the stuffing for tomorrow's turkey. Features chestnuts and apricots. I had a recipe but where? I winged it. You can't go wrong with stuffing.

Photoessay #898 - Thanksgiving imagery

I love Thanksgiving imagery, the warm colors, the harvest products, the food, the people. I have a whole cupboard of Thanksgiving napkins. Another cupboard of Thanksgiving decorations. Years ago, I purchased a wicker cornucopia at a yard sale. Great buy! I use it everyyear, so much you can put in it, just from your own larder. And aren't we so fortunate to be able to fill it so easily. I even have a hubbard squash which I bought from the little table setup by some neighbors whose son grows organic crops in the Skagit Valley. Plus those gourds I bought at the roadside vegetable stand in rural Poplar Grove (what a great name for a small town) on the blustery chilly autumn day a few weeks ago.

The image with the sheaf of wheat came from a Thanksgiving card I received today from our financial person. The other two are stolen internet pictures. Love all of 'em. Google Thanksgiving images and there's so many pretty things to see.

You can see that it's not a burden for me to put on Thanksgiving dinners.

Plus I have a new extremely fancy potato peeler which I got talked into when Janelle was selling knives.

Wow, you now know what will be featured in this space tomorrow!

Photoessay #897 - The rains of November

I should know by now. It pours all during November. The leaves pile up and it rains some more making a several inch thick layer of gross soggy leaves in my yard. The winds blow and then we lose our power. Very disheartening. The basements of the houses on either side of me flood.

Knock on wood, ours never has. I know as I write this that now our lower floor will flood. Everything's damp. Towels do not dry here. Maybe after 3 days. The dog is wet, my shoes are wet. Rain. Wet. Rain Wet.

But one thing about Seattleites, the rain doesn't stop us. I have been to the dog park every afternoon and they've all been rainy. I've never been alone. Usually Tony is there in all of his six month old german shepherd goofiness. Who cares if it's pouring, stand under the trees. The dogs continue to frolic and wrestle. My sister explained that people weren't at the dog park in Rockford because it was rainy. And rain doesn't deter you from a trip to the Anderson Japanese Garden. My mother marveled that on the rainy evening coming out of the chinese buffet, I just walked right out into the rain not paying it no never mind.

The rain does weigh heavily at times. Cliff says "Very substantial precipitation during the next two days" Greatttttt. More rain. And Wind.

Ny dog Teddy loves to do obedience work. I taught him how to heel (sort of) yesterday. He loves to sit and stay and lie down and lay on his side. He finds it very enjoyable. Luna, a white german shepherd likes to do obedience. Her owner is always putting her through her paces. Teddy was so interested. When Luna did her trick, her owner would throw the ball. Teddy didn't care about the thrown ball, he just wanted to do the tricks.

I have a talent on my hands.

Picture used from www.kidtruant.com which I found very amusing. Including this very cool sentence about rain. It's dark and grey, and the rain is bouncing back up from the puddles on the sidewalk so it feels as if the air itself is soaking wet.

Photoessay #896 - More 'Hey ya'

More on the 'Hey ya' Shorecrest video. I really wondered how it came together. The piece on Channel 5 was not very good, just hype. But this interview with the teacher in the PI gives a lot more detail. The discussion afterwards also gives some insights including the challenge to Shorewood (rival school)

Curtis also shared a video (mentioned in the discussion) out of Quebec as inspiration. I think that seeing some videos done by others and then suggesting to your own students that they, together, can make one themselves can be very powerful.

Great excitement for the local high school kids.

Picture of Mr. Mitchell, the teacher

below is part of the PI article

A clip shot by the video production class at Shorecrest High School in Shoreline has gone viral, drawing more than 10,000 page views on YouTube and raising excitement to levels so unprecedented that teacher Trent Mitchell could hardly keep his students quiet while he talked to me on the phone this morning.

"The energy level in my class the last couple weeks has been really, really high," he said. "It's kind of the talk of the school."

It all started when a student -- no one can remember who -- introduced Mitchell to the YouTube music genre known as "lip dubs," one-take videos featuring multiple people lip syncing to the words of a popular song.

The students loved it, and Mitchell assigned a "lip dub" as a class project. The kids picked their song -- the Outkast hit "Hey Ya," in mid-October and posted the video on Nov. 5.

But not before a lot of work -- and a lot of worry.

"After the first day, we thought there was no way this was going to work," Mitchell said. The kids hadn't memorized their lines. The pacing was all off. "Oh it was terrible."

Six rehearsals later, things came together. The props were ready. The words memorized. The students learned where to walk so as not to get in the way of the next singer or trip up the Steadicam senior Kollin O'Dannel weaved down the hallways.

Meanwhile, other teachers were getting hounded by requests to leave class and be part of this crazy video thing. Four teachers caved, and about 150 students appeared in the final take, shot over four minutes and 29 seconds at about 11 a.m. that obnoxious Thursday.

Mitchell laughed at his grading criteria: lip-syncing ability, dance moves, costumes.

But the lip dubbing won't end with his class. Mitchell challenged the video production teacher at nearby Shorewood High School to beat his students' masterpiece. That teacher accepted -- with the principal's blessing.

Meanwhile, Shorecrest students are loving the attention. The whole student body heard the announcement this morning: The video will be featured on KING-5's "Evening Magazine" tonight. KUBE 93 also did some interviews, and the calls keep coming in.

Photoessay #895 - We did NOT lose our power

I mentioned 'Cliff' yesterday. I'm referring to Cliff Mass a local weather expert and faculty member at UW. His blog

One important fact, not only does Cliff predict and educate us all about the weather, he is responsible for the weather and also CONTROLS the weather. He's the man.

So the windstorm hit, I had all the flashlights and candles out.

Side note: where do all of your flashlights go, I had enough flashlights for everybody within a two block radius but now they've disappeared.

The wind blew and blew. Rained and rained. But still did not blow the last of the leaves off the trees. I firmly believe in only raking the lawn (or, let's be real, getting the lawn raked) ONE time. No raking until all of the leaves are off. So I have a six inch layer of wet gross leaves covering my yard. I'm hoping that neighbor kid Peter will do it for a large sum of money. He's already promised.

I'm fearful of losing my power. Awful. I'm still traumatized from the Hanukah-Eve storm of 2006 when we were without power for over 5 days. With a houseful of people. Not fun! Not at all! Never have recovered from that.

Only good thing about losing your power. You no longer have to worry about losing your poser because you ALREADY HAVE! Take that worry right off your plate.

Constantly polling. Are the light still on? still on? still on? still on? etc

Or maybe it's because I'm a little older, don't know. We have gas water heater and gas stove. Lousy fireplace but some wood. But no light, no internet, etc.

Cool picture, huh? It's Anderson Alpine Lodge in New Zealand. Wanted to show a house in darkness that STILL HAS it's power. Used without permission

Photoessay #894 - Friends?

Another request (from Margaret) for a Teddy post!

As winter approaches (hey it's already here, one of those dreaded November windstorms coming right up), our cat Starbaby has decided it's time to come in. She's been on strike in regards to Teddy but now, time to bring Teddy into line.

She had an intense weird relationship with Shadow, she loved Shadow to 'chew her up' and drag her around. She encouraged it.

So time to train the boy into a good cat companion, Starbaby-style. She likes to be nuzzled and groomed. Teddy would like to see some wrestling, you know "I knock you down, you knock me down" but Starbaby's not going for it. She will allow herself to be pawed a bit. And "I'll sit right up herE and whack at you" is always popular.

Plus go out into the backyard and play games. Shadow did this, problem was...Starbaby always chose the game. The last game being "Ditch Shadow".

Things will look up for Starbaby because Naomi is coming home at the end of this week.

The local channel King 5 is doing apiece on Shorecrest's 'Hey Ya' video. The things got legs.

I would freak out about the windstorm that's coming but Clint says, I repeat Clint Says:

But this is not a major windstorm like the one in Dec 2006.

I'm holding you to that!!

He's referring to the "Hannukah Eve" windstorm that left us without power for over 5 days.

Photoessay #893 - The Wine Cellar

ILana and I went to Costco on a mission; time to purchase the sparkling cider for the holiday season. We put them on the table on the back deck; the 'wine cellar'. 36 bottles to start with. For two Thanksgiving Dinners (currently at 14 and 10 participants) and also xmas morning. Have to be careful not to call open season or they would all be gone just about immediately.

Photoessay #892 - Hey Ya!

Go Shorecrest! Just saw this great piece put out by the video class at Shorecrest. Real nice job! I don't see any cuts so it must have been done all in a piece. Take some time to watch at least part of it. I find once I start it, I watch the whole 4 minutes and I don't even know any of the kids in it. You can also see that Shorecrest diversity. I'm sure that 40 years ago, this school was anglo. Now, at graduation, the non-Anglo names prevail.

A spirited energy filled production. Fun!

Some days I wonder what I can include. but life is so rich, always something something happens. Go Shorecrest!

Afternote: Summer before last, I went to the opening NPF game Rockford Thunder vs Chicato Bandits. Kristina Thorson pitching. Just as she was ready to pitch, I yelled "Go Shorecrest!" Hee hee, she gave me this smile, cracking up.

Also: Dennis made it safely to Pullman for Dad's weekend. He said there was a 15 mile backup going into Pullman, almost to Colfax.

Photoessay #891 - Winter

Check out the picture of I-90 at Denny Creek at 10 this morning. They actually closed the pass several hours before this photoDennis passed that way several hours around noontime. Conditions did improve. The choice was between a poor mileage 4 wheel drive without chains. Or the Prius with chains. They went with the Prius and got over the Cascades fine. Expected to be in Pullman within the hour. Snowing there, apparently the streets are slushy.

But it can snow here, which throws the whole city into crisis. Last year, we had a 13 day 'snow event'. I hear the word and I immediately do panic shopping at the grocery store. Last year, every time it snowed, which was often, I was driven to make a pineapple upside down cake. Not this year, trying to stay away from that stuff. They talked snow yesterday so I headed over to Thriftway. They don't plow our neighborhood and since we're at the end of the court, it can get pretty inpassable.

Naomi said she didn't have tickets for the football game so not sure what they will do. Actually I hope they go to Moscow and get her a winter coat. She refused to engage on that before she left.

Teddy chewing up Ilana's lime green octopos puppet to shreds. Been to the dog park so he got to wrestle. Puppy Tony now (male german shepherd) now bigger than he is and plays rough. Teddy can take it; other dogs not so much. But even Teddy got tired of it and went to play with gentler dogs. Yesterday, some big labs were running around playing rough. I was rather surprised but Teddy decided to not participate and, instead, played a gentle ball game with a corgi. The owner would throw the ball, Teddy would get it, then he would put it down so the Corgi could see it but look like he would grab it away. After a few minutes, Teddy would abandon the ball and the Corgi would pick it up, give it to his owner and they would do it all over again.

Photoessay #890 - Dad's Weekend (prior)

Naomi attends Washington State University in Pullman (yes, Susanna graduated from University of Oregon, Ilana from University of Washington). Two major events there, Dad's Weekend in the fall and Mom's Weekend in the spring. Generally we would try to ignore this but apparently it's a BIG DEAL. Dennis figures Naomi would like him to show up. She has a single room so he could sleep there. Of course, Dad's Weekend is scheduled during a home football game (in this case vs UCLA). Dennis really tries to have nothing whatsoever to do with football.

Aside: the problem with being a 4th child. Burnt out parents. Not willing to go to skating parties, math nights, etc etc.

Apparently they go all out with activities. The football game, natch. A big name comedian will appear if you want to play big bucks. Lots of other things, if only we could figure out what they are. My friend Mark went last year, his daughter hadn't planned a thing, but this year they have it much more together including lots of cooking.

Definitely will be snowing going over the pass. He's going with a friend from work. They have a 4 wheel drive vehicle which seems like the ticket going over the Cascades in snowy November. Dennis still thinks he's going to take the Prius with chains.

No respite though, there's Mom's weekend in March!

We'll await the report....

Photoessay #889 - Shoutout to a merchant

I don't want to get anybody in trouble but I wanted to show my appreciation for customer service at a certain electronic chain left unnamed. Because of my upper back condition, I really need to use a phone headphone all the time. I've used a lower priced headphone that plugs into the phone. I use it HARD and I need to replace it every one in a while. Sometimes when I buy them, they offer me 'a free replacement' plan. Pay a fee and, if it needs replacement during the year, it's free. Recently, I replaced the headphone and decided to pay the six bucks for the plan.

My experience has been, when it's not working right, you bring the offending item into the store and they give you a new one.

So, that cable-munching puppy struck again. I was distracted with power outages and conference calls yesterday morning and, at noontime, I looked up and there on the floor was *part* of my headphone cable. I soon found the other part right by his bed. I didn't take a picture of it but I'm sure you can visualize the hardware problem. The part of the cable connected to the headphones was no longer connected to the cable with the jack. We're talking completely empty space between these parts.

Bad dog!

So I go into the store and I just put down the two pieces on the counter and say that I bought the replacement plan. Per my plan, I did not volunteer what had happened but clearly some trauma was responsible. The manager person looks me up, sure enough I had purchased the replacement plan. He has to make a phone call. I'm staying aloof as I don't want to have to admit that my puppydog had chewed it up. But I can hear him answering the question about the reason for the return.

"It just doesn't work", he says in a deadpan voice.

I crack up at this!

So, he gets down another headphone off the rack and gives it to me along with a brochure about the plan. He explains that I'm really supposed to send in the offending part, they send me back a gift card with the value. I say that I assume that I've used up my free replacement. He says no, he's just doing an exchange and I still can get my free replacement.

So he took back my chewed up headphone for free and replaced it and I haven't used up my plan at all! Wow, nice!

Now, I don't like this new plan because when my headphone dies, I want a new one right away, I don't want to have to do all this sending away stuff.

But a shoutout to this merchant for making it all right when they really didn't have to. My friend Emily says she's had the same positive experience with the store down the street. The staff went out of their way to make sure that they got the best deal.

I had a similar problem with my previous dog Shadow when she was young. She took a liking to a particular kind of shoes (Sambas) that my kids wore. She repeated chewed up the right Sambas for several of my kids. Very destructive. Finally I got so frustrated, I took the pair of shoes (the right one pretty chewed up), took them back to Penneys and said, with a straight face "I'm dissatisfied with my purchase" and they took them back!

No honor, I have no honor....

Photoessay #888 - Gourds for the table

The Thanksgiving dinners are coming into focus, numbers somewhat down from last year. But last year we really pushed the envelope! 19 people for the Thursday dinner! And quite a few the year before. We had to move the couch just to fit everybody in. Dennis intoning his usual 'no way can we have this many people, no way no way' but we do.

But this year the greater G family decides that they have other plans. Dang. The T family will go to her sister in law's brother. But the Gs are coming.

The Sunday gathering will just include that immediate family though it appeared for awhile that some anunts and uncles might come.

Naomi will be home for both; I'm please about that. Significant others Matt, Alice and Jessica are invited. to either or both.

A week or so ago, when I was in Illinois, we went to the orchard place out in the country. We also stopped at a vegetable stand just about to close for the winter. A raw cloudy autumn afternoon. I purchased several gourds from this group to be part of the cornucopia centerpiece. Or maybe as its own display depending on how we do the tables. So colorful! Years ago, I bought a wicker cornucopia at a garage sale and it's been my mainstay ever since. You can't go wrong with it! Every year considering purchasing a floral centerpiece but you can do just as well with fruits and vegetables. The horn of plenty. Including my new goufrds

Photoessay #887 - Cape George 1994

In 1994, I prepared quite an elaborate photo album for my parents, must have been in honor of my mom's 70th birthday. How did I do that? It has cute little labels and appropriate pictures. When I visited there this last time, I took it (with her permission)

Shows what was happening in our lives at that time.

Jim and Lanaya had their manufactured home in the Cape George development outside of Port Townsend. Beautiful view of Discovery Bay from their deck. But those wicked frigid winds would blow. This might have been close to the end of their stay there. Lanaya's world started to follow apart as dementia started to develop and take it's toll. They had grown up in West Seattle and were settled in Santa Cruz. They counted on us to come and visit at Christmas. But when Danny was little, we got stuck going over the Siskiyous and I refused to make that trip again in the winter with small kids in the car. And I only had one at the time! You can see what subsequently happened.

Jim and Lanaya moaned and complained, tried to convince use to change our mind but I held firm. Eventually they moved up to the Puget Sound region. I loved the view here, hated to see it go. But I hated that trip to Port Townsend with 4 little kids in the car. Especially on the way back, when it was dark and cold and everybody had been cooped up and being 'good' for the grandparents. You could rot in that ferry line at Kingston.

What's going on in the picture? Maybe it was starting to snow. No, look it's spring, flowering trees, maybe a lot of cottony stuff was blowing around. Danny looks up trying to figure out what's up. Susanna, as usual, takes the active approach, looks like she's flinging herself over the railing. She never had her feet on the ground if something else more interesting presented itself. Still like that. Ilana likely in her own world and Naomi just hanging with the crowd.

Reminds me of my clothes buying strategy at that time. Buy tons of size ten sweatpants and EVERYBODY wears them. Nobody owned a pair of jeans.

It's been raining all day and I have a little boy dog who is just getting into everything. We even went to the dog park for awhile and hung out with another guy with his dogs in the rain. Clearly, it's not enough.

Photoessay #886 - New kitties!

My friend Gin just brought these new kitties home. Nine weeks old, sister/brother littermates. Through a cat rescue place. Cute! Still no names afaik. She's considering Anja for the light grey girl kitty and Modi for the boy kittie. Those names derive from Norse mythology.

Very cute and obviously well cared for and socialized. Friendly, accepting of new people. Busy, they wrestle with each other. Long hair, part Maine Coon. Playful babies.

Gin's thrilled to have them. She also has 3 older cats who don't think this is a great idea.

Photoessay #885 - Stormy Garage Sale

Blustery thunderstorms, torrential rain at times. Thunder and lightening frightening people and pets.

My neighbor and friend Anne had a garage sale today. She begged me to come this morning, no customers! Pouring rain and cold. Excuse the smudges and puddles on the lens. So I went over and hung out for awhile Mostly rainy and cold. The signs her daughter C made were amudged and sopping wet. After awhile some customers came. But we had a good time anyway.

Then a loud explosion, kaboom! I'm sure everybody else may have thought it might be gunshots. But I knew the sound.

"That", I declared "is a transformer exploding"

Sure enough, we had no power. I hate it when we lose our poser. I've never gotten over the period two or 3 years ago when we lost out power for 6 days.

But soon the City Light trucks came and did whatever, pumping out whatever, I dunno but after5 a few houros our power came back.

Yay!!!!!

Never take your electric power for granted!

Photoessay #884 - Canine Corners

I thought my mother might enjoy going to a dog park, they must have one in Rockford. My mother loves dogs, especially when they play and interact with each other. They might have one with easy access where you could just watch. I'm always looking for a gimmick in Rockford.

So I look up on the net and seems that the Rockford Park District administers two dog parks, one looks reasonably close to my mom. So, last Friday afternoon, my sister and I go check it out. Somehow we fit it in.

Plain looking but that's not very important. But, empty! Not one person, not one dog. What's up with that? My sister points out that it's late October and the day's a little rainy. But not hard and not when I shot the picture. Where is everybody? Again my sister explains that in the midwest people don't go out when the weather's not nice. What? All those young dogs are all going nuts, I know it. And the weather's not bad. Hey, I know that it gets REAL cold in the midwest.

Meanwhile this week, even today, it's raining and cold and windy but Teddy and I've visited our local dog park. Mountlake Terrace Dog Park's pretty small and local. But every day, EVERY DAY, people and dogs are there, I'm counting them. Even though it poured until well into the afternoon today, at 2pm, 5 people were there and 6 more people came in the next half hour. Chilly but Seattle people come out anyway.

Yesterday, Teddy and I enjoyed some of the regulars Tara (boxer), Porter (lab pup), Luna (white german shepherd) and Drake (husky shepherd mix). Little mud but it's November, what do you expect? I spoke to Drake's owner and asked weather would keep him away. He looked at me blankly, didn't know what I meant. If it's not completely pouring down rain or gale force winds, outside activities are on. Even then, put on your rain jacket and your hat and come on down.

They have rules in the Rockford Dog Park, you have to purchase a $25 membership or a $3 daily fee. Also proof of vaccination. Anybody can come to our dog park.

Photoessay #883 - Jury Selection

I have mixed feelings about my experience today. Waiting in the jury room with my new jury duty pals (hey, one is the cousin of Becky Sisley!) during the usual interminable empty waits, we had the feeling that things would happen.

Word for the wise, if you get called to this experience, bring a cable, there are cable outlets all over the room and the wifi is awful.

They called names for two panels. 42 for one; 62 for another which cleared out most of the room. Including me (and my jury buddies). Right before lunch, our panel was called to the 8th floor to be met by the bailiff. I had all of this junk, was all logged on so it took me awhile to get everything turned off and put away. As I came out of the elevator, there were 61 people and the bailiff standing there, he's holding my number and saying 'Sandra Barnes?' I was the only one missing. 5 seconds of fame. We all filed into the courtroom in order, the defendants and their attorneys and the prosecutor turning around (similar to this photo) intently watching all of us.

The judge gives a little speech, introducing the defendants (two of them), informing us of the charges (19 counts of theft) and says the trial will run until near Thanksgiving (two or three weeks).

Yikes, 2+ weeks. NO way! They need 15, they have 62, I'm #26.

I'm so focused on getting out of it. After lunch, the judge asks a lot of questions if we know the defendants, reads off potential witnesses, whether we know people in law enforcement or courts, or know somebody affected by dementia. Middle aged well dressed couple, I'm guessing they ripped off an old person. Then she asks for health hardship, I mention my back condition, in fact, these hard benches with the ridge hitting me in the neck is pretty dang uncomfortable. Then, it's financial hardship time. Everybody trots out their financial hardship story mainly about busy professionals with tremendous commitments, including teachers, doctors, owners of small business. Pretty impressive. Also, I'm surprised that MOST of the people do not clain financial hardship. The judge considers all of our answers then, excuses about 15 people on the first round. Including me! I'm out of it! Whew!

I come home and proceed directly to the dog park. But now I'm really wondering what happened after I left. I was very interested in the process, what happened next?

The case concerned a married couple who stole from her mother. I found it easily in the Seattle Times. I didn't like the look of those folks....

Picture used without permission but captured that experience of the defendants and their counsel turning to look at all of us

Photoessay #882 - Jury Duty

So, so, I’m downtown at the King County Courthouse on Jury Duty. Big room maybe 100 people here. Supposedly selected on voting records and driver licenses. Very few people of color here, AA people don’t vote or get driver licenses? So far, they've show an inspiring video. Then you wait around and wait around. A judge requests a panel. That’s already happened, a judge asked for 50 jurors. They read off the names but my name was not called. Those people had to turn in their forms.

As of 10:30AM, nothing else has happened.

But one place definitely caught my eye; the decorated brass elevators are in a semi circle around a mosaic floor. When we finalized Susanna’s adoption in 1985, we had to come down to the courthouse with Susanna in tow, I was pregnant with Ilana, Susanna was probably cresting two years old. And wild. I remember Dennis in a 3 piece suit which was called for at the time. Every time we put the wriggling Susanna down, she would let out her trademark deafening shriek and run into whatever elevator was open Dennis would run and catch her just as the door was closing or two year old Susanna would be on her way to some courtroom making a loud ruckus along the way.


Was my mother with us? I have a picture somewhere. But now I sit in the jury room….note to self, bring cables tomorrow.

They release us at 11:15 until tomorrow.

Photoessay #881 - A touch of Halloween

My sister carved this pumpkin and brought it to my mom's. Yeah, you're thinking the same as me. This girl could carve stamps, oh yes. I struggle along with lousy fine motor coordination. My sister is the one who does the craftsy things, needlepoint, etc. Me? I read books and meddle.

Nice looking carve. My brother kept teasing her insisting that he couldn't see the winking eye. She had a tealight candle and we lit it Halloween night. We were busy inside watching the Oregon Ducks/USC football game. Go Ducks! No trick or treaters. Dennis said there were very few here.

Tomorrow I have to go to jury duty. I'm not used to going downtown on the bus, etc. I think I can do it from the Northgate P&R. Just not exactly sure where to catch the bus, where to park. A bus does run from here in the morning but no good if you don't come home in early evening. I don't get paid if I don't work so clearly I just want to do the two days. Two and a Cue, as they say in softball. Referring to a double elimination tournament. You lose the first two games and fire up the barbeeecue because your are DONE. It's happened. Wish me luck tomorrow.

Photoessay #880 - Illinois countryside

On Saturday, my mom, brother and sister went for a ride to Edward Apple Orchards maybe 20 miles from Rockford. Through the autumn midwestern country side of brittle bleached gold corn and uncertain skies. Definitely fall, huge movements in the land and sky, you know that spring is far far away. Here, most leaves are falling but most everything still green.

View taken from the car heading east from Rockford near Calezonia.

The destination mostly had specialty foods along with a jolly banjo player. Known for their fresh doughnuts coated with sugar and cinnamon. Definitely hallucinegetic (sp). Pony rides in the back. I bought some pumpkin butter and some pickles which will arrive in a box I shipped. Second shot my mom, brother and sister sharing one of those BAAAAAAAAD doughnuts outside of the shop. You can see the severe landscape stretching out behind them.

They had samples and big bins of apples. Some unfamiliat varieties. Yet I wasn't too impressed, they have good apples here in Washington State!

Photoessay #879 - What time is it anyway?

So I started this trip in Pacific Daylight time. Went to Rockford Central Daylight Time. Time changed. Fall Back. Flew from Chicago in Central Standard Time to Cincinnati in Eastern Standard Time. Flew from Cincinnati to Seattle in Pacific Standard Time.

So what time is it?

Nobody's quite sure. My seatmate on the last long flight, a serviceman flying from 3 week leave to visit his wife and kids on his way back to Fairbanks. Learned a lot about him and his family and their business in Indiana. Try the Adams Lake Pub! We puzzled a bit about what the heck time it was, decided finally it was 6pm.

Second picture from this morning. My mother, brother, sister and I go for Swedish Pancakes on the last day. I pick up the tab. Now, my mother has picked up TONS of other bills. Swedish pancakes with lingonberry, mmmmm.